Weighing in

I woke up this morning, showered, and stepped outside feeling anew: I am a gay man who can get married [here]! As I started thinking through my morning errands, I braced myself to register the change. But things looked and felt pretty much the same. I was getting sweaty, I regretted not wearing shorts. A cyclist almost ran me over. Someone I kind of know was standing in front of his apartment, so I feigned blindness in order to not have to talk to him. Alright, cool, I concluded. I don't have plans to get married anytime soon, so I bought an iced coffee and proceeded with the rest of the day.

Obviously, marriage is never going to be the vehicle for serious radical change. But marriage equality definitely is something, a note of clarity among all the noise of the straight-gay chasm—even if the effort to dismantle constrictive social norms inherent in institutions such as marriage never soon sees the light of day.

But what is the big deal? Why is it taking so long and generating so much angst? For the one millionth time, I expressed this frustration to Matt while we were eating dinner. At this point the vote was still about to happen and I was constantly refreshing my Twitter feed, amazed at how invested in the whole thing I'd become. I'd vowed earlier in the evening that if I couldn't pop the champagne later that night, I'd be cracking the bottle over the curb and taking to the streets.

Matt was in Massachusetts when they legalized gay marriage under Mitt Romney, and he told me that once it passed, the change was hardly perceptible. All that build-up, and then it was just over with. The culture warriors went home or elsewhere, and gay people who wanted marriage certificates got them. Which is funny, as Matt pointed out, because Romney has now done a 180 on the issue.

The funny morphed into shameful. If there's one person who has the national platform to say, "People, trust me: this is so not a big deal," it would be Mitt Romney. His political career didn't really lose steam, and the state of Massachusetts hasn't been sucked into a black hole. I wonder if we'll ever get over the short-term gain.

But Christ, I thought during the few hours I watched the live stream of the Senate floor before I left for dinner, how does change ever happen when the system is built to be so resistant to it? Will there ever be anything but short-term gain?

So here: I'm happy to take the victory for what it is, and happy also to start working towards the next one.