PoopGroup: Top Three

Today I propose a challenge: what are your top three?

Top three what? Top three most satisfying poops? Top three inopportune (but worked out anyway?)poops? Top three most embarrassing stories? You choose. I am going with top three biggest.

3. Oatman, Arizona. Late February 2002.

I was traveling through this old western Route 66 town en route from the Grand Canyon to Joshua Tree National Park. I had been driving/camping, eating carrots and apples and peanut butter, for about a week. Needless to say, I wasn't pooping much. While in Oatman, I ducked out of a duel reenactment to hit up the town's only toilet. There was a suggested donation box that I averted on the way in, and luckily I didn't have to wait on line, as all the women in Oatman were watching two "cowboys" turn and draw. I sat and drew something that had to be at least 16 cubic inches. Unfortunately, my excitement turned quickly to despair after three flushes failed to bury the beast. I clogged the only toilet in Oatman. I put $1.00 in the donation box for good measure.

In terms of top three greatest experiences, I wouldn't count this. In terms of size? you betcha.

2. Cambridge, Massachusettes, Easter, 2000.

Plain and simple. I took a gnarly large poop when out to Easter brunch with 20 of my closest family members. It was so big, it literally wouldn't budge. I had to use a discarded cigarette carton to break it in half so it would go down. Gross to talk about and write about, but it felt pretty cool. It was a lot spongier than I would have anticipated.

Again, the stress of the stoppage makes this not such a favorable memory. But lord, the size!

1. Brooklyn, New York, TODAY!

I can't stop thinking about it. Sometime during fourth period I started feeling it coming on, but I knew I had to wait until my lunch period, 6th, to get it out. Trying to teach for two periods while you need to poop is pretty much the worst thing ever, so as a reward, I decided to walk home from work at lunch to have some privacy.

It came out like magic. I literally felt like I lost 10 pounds. I have felt so good all day. It broke apart into three pieces on the way out, but if I had to guess, it would have been about 12 inches long - with a considerable girth.

This furthers my theory about my pooping at "home." I was at my boyfriend's house all weekend and really didn't even have the feeling like I wanted to poop. (except for after a brisk jog over the Williamsburg bridge, but by the time I was back to Ludlow St, I had forgotten all about it...) As soon as I was at work today I knew I would have to #2. As soon as I told myself I would go one step further (or about 1/6 mile further) I knew it was going to be memorable.

What are your top three?